It used to be about a future that I almost felt so sure about, a feeling that had me thinking that maybe it’s not selfish to ask for more, but through broken dreams, and life’s lessons, it’s safe to say that I think I can finally make sense of it all :-).
Ever had that one song that would always put a smile on your face or at least bring a happy tear to your eye whenever you felt the world was against you? I think that’s what self-happiness feels like, or at least how it should.
We all go through life with so much in store yet never content with what we have or who we are. We spend so much time focused on how we’ve been hurt before and allow it to dictate how we live our lives. We always feel that our problems are far worse than anyone else’s. It’s sad but we’re a very selfish species…then again, selfish seems somewhat of an understatement.
Personally, I don’t know what the future holds but I’m thankful for every day, every night, those happy moments shared with family, the smile on the face of the one you love, having a really bad day and no matter how bad your mood is, that one true friend disregards it all and goes out of their way to get that one laugh out of you, no matter how ridiculous the situation may be. Lately I’ve learnt that we need to make the most of what we have because we could lose it all any day, in the end it will all feel like a distant dream, a reminiscence that never was.
This is a crazy world and unfortunately it’s the fanatical things that make the most sense. In our quest for normality and sanity, we only find more insanity but in accepting it all then, well, everything begins to fall into place and make sense. No doubt that we’d all like some sense of perfection in our lives – families free of rules and regulations, relationships free of arguments, friendships free of betrayal, careers free of heavy demands, academics free of stress but think about it, how boring would it all be? Does it not make sense that we experience the above with those we love the most and care for unconditionally?
As I’ve gotten older, a part of me has yearned for those years when parents were over-protective, felt and feels good to know that even if nobody else gave a damn, there were people out there who’d go to the ends of the earth for your sake.
I’ve learnt to take the positive out of arguments within a relationship for it’s those moments that teach us so much about our partners and teach us to bounce back so much stronger than before. Friendships have taught me that though you may feel betrayed at times, there will always be family and the handful of genuine friends who will always stick around when everybody else leave us feeling so alienated.
Maybe the overall apprehension here is that it’s high time we toughened up. Time we all stopped feeling so sorry for ourselves and realising that nobody has more influence over our happiness than ourselves. Yes we tend to attribute it to those that we love (at times) but does that now mean that you need to lose it all when they’re gone? I mean let’s be real, if we struggle to allow other people to have control over some of the material and physical things we hold dear, why do we allow them to dictate how happy we should be and when? Why do we always have to say that someone “makes us happy” as opposed to them making us happier? Should that be what we all strive for?
With all this inculcated within me, I feel that to some extent, I’ve become so much stronger and emotionally mature, so much more prepared for whatever awaits me. I may die tomorrow, I may no longer be with the one I love, and tomorrow may not even come at all. Until then though, I’ll make the most of the ‘hello, I love you, I miss you, I’m thinking of you and the goodbyes’, we never know when we’ll never have the chance to say them again or when it may be too late.
Maybe it’s not even selfish to ask for more. Correction, maybe it’s not always selfish…I mean more time to enjoy the moments that mean the world to us, more smiles, more love…I guess more of some things makes sense.
All in all, it’s fair to say that it’s time to have a better sense of appreciation for myself, for those in my life, for life itself and to not let anyone but myself control what I do or who I am. Just hope it has a ripple effect.