A quick reflection

As we approach the end of yet another year, I, as I normally do on most days, have taken time out to not only reflect on myself but also to look back at my life journey through 2017.

I no longer makes resolutions at the beginning of the year but instead focus on being a better me daily. I don’t always get it right but if I’ve at least grown in some way or some area of my life then I’ve at least achieved something.

This year, the growth has been in my spiritual life. As a man who grew up always wanting to be right or to have the last word, I’ve learnt the importance of being wrong and acknowledging the same. I’ve learnt the importance of being hurt but confronting it with grace. I’ve learnt the importance of being offended and more importantly, forgiveness.

Death has been on my mind a lot not in the sense of being obsessed with it but rather in the sense of leaving this world with minimal regret. On other words, if called from this Earth, would I be able to honestly say that I did my best to be my best? Did I live my life in a way that would make my Father, my God proud?

I keep thinking of The Lord’s prayer and how I used to take it for granted by merely saying it automatically without really giving thought to every word, every line until the day I stopped at “…forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” If there’s one thing I can confess its that I was never quick to forgive. Sure it’s human nature but it’s exhausting. That very line gave me so much to think about and really got me thinking about little ways I could improve myself, strengthen my faith and be a beacon of love to all around me.

Anyone that knows me will know what a big part of my life my faith is and that I am unashamed of my beliefs. That same faith has taught me the importance of acceptance when necessary and forgiveness. It has taught me the importance of righting wrongs. It has taught me the importance of relationships and lifelong bonds and why it is important to sometimes humble myself, even when right, in order to be able to break down barriers and in turn, speak to the hearts of people.

This realisation has not been easy and at times is still a challenge but, the fact that I’ve overcome and can look past so much is an achievement that I would never have dreamt of years ago. The journey itself has required sacrifice and perseverance but not once did I feel alone. I chose to place my trust in God and I will be the first to admit that there were times whereby I wanted to give up but I’ve seen prayer after prayer answered. I’ve been blessed and with each blessing came the understanding that each would come with its own set of challenges for what’s the point of being blessed continuously if you cannot strengthen yourself to overcome challenges that will prepare you for the greater blessings that lay ahead?

I don’t claim to be perfect. I don’t claim to know everything but one thing I do know is that having grace does wonders to one’s soul. Grace helps you look beyond what is petty and understand that life is too short to waste emotions on issues that subconsciously control you instead of realising that you have the power to control those situations. You just need to accept the fact that it comes down to making a decision.

From the heart. Read on…

Isn’t it ironic? We go through life always trying to be in control when in fact, we lose sight of the plot and end up in a situation whereby life controls us. I know it. I lived it.

Conversely, failed relationships, heartache, anger…I’m eternally grateful that they were and still are a part of my life. They’ve strengthened who I am inside and made me who and what I am today…nothing less than the best of what I can be and still getting better.

You get to a point whereby you realise that you’ve lost yourself somewhere along the way and for what? For the ex that screwed you over? The heartache that took you so long to overcome. I’m sorry but NONE of that is worth it. I’ve made a choice and that choice is to be 100% ME. Let my guard down but not be naïve, open my heart but not make it easy to abuse it…give love a chance without the false expectation of perfection.

It’s with that in mind that I now see that falling in and out of love/like is part of the beauty of life. I want to experience the joy and the pain, the laughter and the tears…are these not the things that make you cherish the happy moments with newfound love even more? Is it even fair to punish those that come into our lives because of the mistakes of those that left us in a world of hurt?

Between finding the ideal partner and simply just living life by taking (emotional) chances, I choose the latter for by not holding back, I open up my mind to new possibilities that I may have otherwise overlooked, new experiences that I may have otherwise deprived myself of, new memories to share with someone.

I’m done playing safe, I want the world and I want to offer it in return, I want the girl not because I need her but because I know that despite our ups and downs, likes and dislikes, there’s not a single man out there who will work harder and making her happy, even if it means screwing up along the way…after all, we do learn from our mistakes yes?

However, although I offer so much, I refuse to compromise what I am. I refuse to change who I am. I’ve always said that I would never settle for second best and as such, I want nothing less than to be accepted for what I am…the best at being me. If that’s not good enough for one, then room should be made for the one to whom the shoe fits. After all, we only live once, and life is one gift I intend to make the most of.